Is Adoption a Choice for Your Unborn Child?

Some problems may be too big to handle alone.

• Your own drug and alcohol issues. This problem may especially be difficult if you don't have any family support.
• An abusive situation at home. If you are unable, for any reason, to free yourself from an abuser, adoption may be the best protection for you and your baby.
• If you feel you are too young and immature at this time to be a parent.
• If the pregnancy is the result of rape or incest. Many expectant mothers feel unable to deal with the trauma that brought the child into the world. They may not be able to separate the child from the act of violence.
• If you feel that you are not ready to parent a child and adoption is in the best interest of your child at this time.

Maybe not true arguments against adoption, but things to consider.

• Be aware that placing your child for adoption brings a great loss into your life. Know that you will grieve this loss over and over for the rest of your life. It may become easy to convince yourself not to feel the loss, but I warn against this. Allow yourself to feel the loss and grieve it. Even an open adoption may not resolve the loss issues.
• Your child will feel loss and sometimes may even feel abandoned and resentful towards you. A family with a mom, a dad, and more money cannot make up for the loss of the birth family.
• Your child will grow up and may come searching for you. Are you prepared to answer questions and deal with a host of different emotions – your own emotions and those of your child?

Most adoptive parents do a lot of work searching for information before seeking to adopt. Expectant parents need to be just as informed as the adoptive parents.

What do expectant parents need to know?

• Know who you can turn to for help, learn about your options.

• Know that family preservation should be considered first. It is an often quoted phrase in the adoption world, but certainly should be pondered, "Adoption is often a permanent solution to an often temporary problem." {I know this was the case for my mother.)

• Go by your own opinion of your parenting skills not the judgement of others. Consider parenting classes if you do have a concern about your skills. Many are offered free.

• Look into local and state programs that offer aid to struggling families.

• Learn the meaning of some common adoption lingo such as open adoption, semi-open adoption, and closed adoption. Most states do not legally enforce post adoption agreements such as open adoptions. Open adoption is not co-parenting. There are usually no safeguards in place keeping the adoptive family or even the birth family to this agreement.

• Know that you can choose the adoptive family. Ask questions. Meet them. Make sure you sit down with the adoptive family and discuss different scenarios and know what each of you expects from the other.

• Know that the decision to place your child can be made after birth. You can try parenting first. This is your child. Again check out the resources available to you.
• Join in discussion groups, whether online or in person. Speak with birthparents who have chosen adoption. Find support that really understands your pain and the magnitude of the decision you are facing.

• Know your rights. Be aware of pre-birth contracts. Know that even if your expenses are paid, the adoption is not final and binding until the final paperwork is done.
• Birth fathers have rights. Don't get lost in the adoption process. Erik Smith has written several articles on this topic.

Remember that if you cannot parent your child -

• Be smart
• Be prepared
• Be decisive

Know that YOU are in control of the future of YOUR child until the final papers are signed.

Once You've Decided That Adoption Is Right for Your Baby - Learn the next steps toward adoption.

_{SOURCES:
Forum Member Rebecca Hernon
Booklet: "What You Should Know if You're Considering Adoption"}