Another Side of a Sad Adoption Story - Remembering Nina Hilt
A recent email caused me to stop and think about the many opportunities I have had since being a Guide for this Adoption & Foster Care site. I've met many people through the forums here on About Adoption & Foster Care and through blogging. I have been able to interview famous people and an Olympic athlete. Through these opportunities and others, my insight and view of adoption has grown and changed. I've also been given the opportunity to show all sides of adoption.
The email that I mentioned earlier represents another side of a very well-known and tragic adoption story, the death of little Nina Hilt. The email was from her adoptive father, Christopher Hilt.
Nina, adopted from Russia, was brutally beaten to death by her adoptive mother, Peggy Hilt, in 2003. Peggy Hilt was given 25 years in prison for the murder.
Mr. Hilt wants people to see Nina the way he and his oldest daughter remember her and not for the story shared by the media and his ex-wife. He shared that she deserves to be remembered in a more honorable way.
After all the space and time given to the grisly details, I think this request is more than worth space here. Check out the Web site created by Christopher Hilt and his oldest daughter, Nataliya.
Take a moment to remember Nina._________________________________
Suggested Reading:Peggy Hilt Given 25 Years
Peggy Hilt Interviewed on Women Behind Bars
Preparing to Parent the Adopted Child
Internationally Adopted Children Sometimes Suffer Same Challenges as US Children
Russian Murder Cases
Teaching Foster/Adoptive Children How to Respond to Common Questions
Earlier today I was talking with a friend of mine who is frustrated by family and friends asking personal questions about her newly adopted daughter.
Where did she get those brown eyes, from her birth father?
She's very long legged. Was her birth mom tall?
My friend asked me how she should answer these type of questions in a way that lets people know that the discussion is not welcome.
Well, I'm really not sure how to handle it when it comes to adults asking such questions, but I do have some ideas on how kids can handle this issue in school. I'm a firm believer in the use of cover stories to stall the bullies and otherwise just plain nosy kids.
Get some ideas with your cover stories with "Teaching Foster/Adoptive Children How to Respond to Common Questions".If you have any other ideas that have worked with your foster or adopted children please share in the comments section of the blog.
And if you have any ideas for my friend - please click "comments" and share.How have you handled the busy bodies?
More Information Regarding MTV True Life Documentary on Adoption
On July 7th I blogged about an upcoming show on MTV, a part of their True Life drama series, I'm Placing my Baby for Adoption!. I was more than a little concerned and I had a ton of questions.
I don't know why, but I'm always surprised when I get an email or a comment that indicates that someone actually reads my blog! Well, I got an email from production assistant, Morgan Robinson. He is helping to cast this MTV documentary. I was very excited for the opportunity to ask my questions and I have to be honest, I feel a bit better about this show. Here is what I learned:
The Show - MTV True Life is an award winning documentary series on MTV that has been around for a decade. They cover young people dealing with a variety of issues - some frivolous, some deep.
The Format - The episode dealing with adoption will follow two to four young people and cover their lives and choices. It's the expectant mother's story in her voice, no expert interviews or narrators. The subjects are followed by a very small crew of one to three people and one camera. The goal is for the crew to melt into the woodwork. They shoot for two to three days around key issues, like a doctor's appointment or meeting with an adoption agency.
The Expectant Mothers - In general, MTV comes up with a topic and then does an outreach to organizations and individuals who may be interested or know who would be interested in telling their story on camera. Planned Parenthood, Birthmom Buds, Adoptions from the Heart, Catholic Charities, The National Council for Adoption were among some the organizations contacted regarding this adoption episode. Interested expectant mothers call in and do an intake, answering key questions. All questionnaires are collected and the producers pick the ones they feel address the main issues of adoption and placing a child for adoption. The producers choose from among those who want to tell their story and will allow their story to be followed on film. Releases are also signed by those who interact with the young, expectant mother so that they too can appear on camera and share their feelings, if they so desire.
Scope of Story - Robinson shared that MTV does not influence the outcome of the True Life documentary series in any way. He stated to do so would be against the ethics of the show and of journalism. The expectant mother is not compensated for her time in the documentary.
The expectant mother calls the shots. If she doesn't want the birth filmed, then it's not filmed. MTV wants to see as much of the story as the young woman allows. They hope to show part of the pregnancy, birth, placing or parenting, and follow-up after the decision is made. Robinson shared that they would like to show what Juno left out; what happened after.
Birth Fathers - If birth fathers are a part of the process and life of the expectant mother, MTV would love to film with them. Again, they are not painting this picture, it's whatever the story happens to be for that expectant mom.
Robinson stated that if previous episodes of MTV True Life are watched it should be clear that MTV tries to be as unbiased as possible. He feels that some viewers may stereotype and those are based on that viewer's life experience, MTV just wants to accurately represent the topic.
The episode is set to air in December or January and will be an hour long program. I'm very interested in seeing how adoption is represented in the final product.
So, does this information change your feelings regarding this episode? Click "comments" below and share.
Are Men More Interested in Adoption?
A recent study, out just this past Thursday, by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's National Center on Health Statistics, brought up some interesting data on men and adoption. Are you ready for this one? According to 2002 statistics from the National Survey of Family Growth, men ages 18 to 44 are more than twice as likely as women in the same age group to have adopted a child. Really? The stats show that 1.2 million men and 613,000 women had adopted children.
This one really got me thinking. Why? The only reason that the report could possibly point to is that men are more apt to marry and adopt their spouse's children from a previous relationship.
That does make more sense, because most men I meet in foster and adoption classes seem like they are dragged there by their spouses. Not always. But sometimes.
The report goes on to state that about 100,000 never-married women and 73,000 never-married men had adopted a child. The statistic that I found most interesting: Hispanic and non-Hispanic black women were more likely to be seeking to adopt than non-Hispanic white women.
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Suggested Reading:10 Things to Do Before Sending a Foster/Adopted Child Back-to-School
Can you believe it? It's time to think about school supplies and new shoes. It seems like the kids just got out on summer break and now in a couple of days - at least for my kids - they'll be headed back to school. We've had a busy summer. I can't believe that my baby will be in 6th grade this year. Middle School. She's too little for that, right?
I've already done the enrollment thing and gone shopping. So, I think we're set as school is starting on Wednesday. What will I do with my days? I can think of a BUNCH of things; read, blog, nap, surf the Internet. Not necessarily in that order.
Sometimes it's easy to feel overwhelmed with the idea of enrollment - especially if you've never enrolled a child in school. Print out a copy of the following and plan ahead for a wonderful new school year.
So, are you reading to send them off to school?Public vs. Private: Which School Choice Is Better for Your Adopted Child?
I received the following email this past summer.
"I wanted to know if you had any thoughts on private versus public school for a child adopted through the foster care system. Classes are usually smaller in private schools but public schools are of course from "your neighborhood". Thank you, and I’ve really enjoyed reading your site."
I have spoken with several teachers and other professionals and have come up with a list of things to consider when pondering the difficult decision of school choice for your newly adopted child.
Now, I turn to you for personal experiences with school choice, whether they be public, private, or home school. There are so many differences within these choices.
Click "comments" below and share.Olympic Athlete & Adoptee Heading for the 2008 Summer Games
Photo © USOS/ NBC Olympics
It seems like many of my most recent blog posts have been a bit negative on the different child behavior problems that adoptive parents face. So, I'm happy to write about a happier adoptive outcome. Reese Hoffa is an Olympic athlete, he's also an adoptee. Adopted at the age of 4, Reese grew up in a transracial adoptive situation and has also been reunited with his birth mother.
I was given the opportunity to interview him earlier this spring. While his adoption transition wasn't smooth sailing for him, he worked hard to do his best. He also believes in shooting for one's dreams.
So, with the Olympic Games upon us I thought it was the appropriate time to introduce you to Olympic athlete, Reese Hoffa.
If you know of other Olympic athletes with an adoption connection, click "comments" below and let me know. I'd love to add them to the growing list.
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How Should the Adoptive Family Feel After an Adoption Reunion?
It's tough, being the adoptive parents during an adoption reunion. We have learned this as our boys have sought more contact with their birth family. But then I stop and think, "Should this be tough for me? Do I have a right to feel everything that I am feeling?"
I've felt jealous, hurt, angry, irritated, worried, anxious, and more. Mostly because of the past my boys experienced in their birth homes before their foster care adoption by myself and my husband. However, I am sure that I'd feel a bit of the same during an adoption reunion if my boys were adopted as infants and never experienced abuse and neglect.
So. Do I have a right to feel these things? I've decided, yes. Because I'm human. Humans are flawed. I'm flawed. (Don't tell my husband, my kids, or my sisters. OK. Anyone. That I've admitted to the previous statement.)
So, where is our [adoptive parents] place in an adoption reunion?
Some say that the adoptive family’s expectations don't matter when it comes to birth parent reunions. I believe that it all rests on the adoptee and what he/she wishes to happen.
What do you think? Bring it to the forum for discussion. Or click "comments" below and share your thoughts on this blog.
What Is a CASA?
CASA workers are not concerned with what anyone else on the team wants or needs, their concern is for the child. Learn more about CASA volunteers and consider becoming one yourself. There is a great need for more CASA volunteers and it is one way to help a foster child. If you are unable to foster at this time help a foster child out by becoming a CASA voluteer.
When a Child's Behavior Problem Threatens the Adoptive Family
I recently received an email from a distraught adoptive father. His 8-year-old, internationally adopted son was becoming violent toward his 6-year-old birth son. An example of the child's behavior problem: the oldest son held the youngest son's head under water.
The father wanted to protect all of his children and help his 8-year-old overcome these behavior problems, but didn't know how to approach the situation with safety in mind. He wondered if they would be able to parent the child long-term.
These are all valid concerns and I'm not a professional counselor. I am an adoptive parent who has lived through similar situations. I put together a list based on how we and other adoptive parents we know approached getting help for our children.
We love our children and want to help them, however, we also have a responsibility to others in the home. This is difficult to balance and you may catch some heat for it. Meaning: be forewarned, our parenting choices may not be popular in the eyes of others.
I love it when those who have never adopted sit in judgment of our families, don't you? And I'm talking about adoption professionals and mental health professionals too. Years of working in an office with kids for a few hours a day vs. the day in day out daily grind of a child's behavior problem - a child you love - no comparison, in my opinion.
How have you handled your child's behavior problems in your home, especially those that were becoming more threatening to your family?Have you ever faced judgment regarding the parenting of your adopted child?
Click "comments" below and share.
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